the mad ones


Sometimes, there are situations where we cannot do anything. Moments where we just have to sit on our hands, wait, and hope for the best. As something of a doer, with shades of control freak, I hate those situations. Those moments. Because even when we do everything, or everything we can, certain things are not up to us.

I was sitting in Starbucks, attempting to quell my thoughts with coffee. That worked about as well as giving candy to a toddler. Basically, I’ve amplified my already overactive, overthinking brain. Not wise. But I am not always a paragon of smarts. (Those of you who deal with me on a daily basis will guffaw at that statement. I know. I KNOW.)

Few things are more frustrating than wanting to fix something, but realizing that it’s out of your hands. You’re trying. You’re doing your best. You’re working on things. But ultimately, you have to wait. Ultimately, other people are making the final decision. This goes for work, pursuing writing, and hell – all relationships.

You should do everything you can. Not leave anything to chance. But in the end, we are not always the deciding factor. We are not always where the buck stops. We are not always in control. Today, I found myself feeling like my sixteen year old self, wishing that someone could just fix something and make it better. I literally had that thought: I just want someone to FIX it.

And, hi, I’m THIRTY. So, not sixteen. And I’m glad that I’m not sixteen, because I was a scared, unconfident (if that’s not a word, it SHOULD be) person at that age. Being scared meant running. Being scared meant not speaking up. Being scared meant letting other people dictate my life.

Now? Being scared means standing my ground. It means knowing what I want, despite the inherent difficulties. Being scared means being brave – sometimes, it means being brave enough for someone else. It means that there is something worth fighting for. Our greatest weakness can be our greatest strength, just like an inferiority complex can hold a person back OR propel them to move forward and be better. Prove everybody wrong.

It is always wise, though, when pursuing what you want, to have faith. To believe. It’s such a simple, fragile thing. It’s so important, though. We never get anywhere, unless we believe. Even if it SEEMS crazy or impossible. Perhaps especially then.

Do you best. Leave the rest. T’will all come right, some day or night. (Yeah, I just quoted from Black Beauty. I think that’s where the quote is from. Anyone? Bueller?) Do your best. Put your cards on the table. Chase something. Love full and well. Laugh at yourself. And, when necessary, have faith.

 “the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.” — Kerouac

  1. Jessica
    October 24, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Something that I realized fairly recently in my life is that I need to stop beating myself up over decisions that were never mine to make. There are a lot of times in our lives when things aren’t under our control, and ther choices aren’t ours to make. And belive me, I know that this is ABSOLUTELY MADDENING. But the point you make at the end is perfectly sound – all we can do is do OUR best, and be the best that WE can be, and make the best choices when they are ours to make. I can agonize over the past for an eternity, but it won’t change what happened, and it won’t allow me any more control than I had to begin with.

  2. October 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    ❤ Kerouac and ❤ ypu. You make me want to be more brave.

  3. October 24, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    UGH, I can’t even count the hours I’ve wasted on this… I finally reached a point where I decided the only thing I can control is the way I will feel at this moment. Right now. Sometimes, my anger reaches out and chokes me — but for the most part, I can choose to let it beat me or rise above it and stuff it back down its hole. I don’t HAVE to be along for the ride, if that makes sense?

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