Drive more — wrinkle less! Some Words on Honda’s New Lady Car

First, they came for the pens – and I didn’t say a word. Okay, that’s a lie, because those BIC pens for girls? Total bullcrap. Just ask Ellen DeGeneres, as she kicks ass. Then they tried to put me in a BINDER, and I did not say a word. Actually, that’s not true either. Because nobody puts Baby in a Binder.

And now, there’s a GIRL CAR. And, my dear gentle uteruses, it comes in PINK. So, gather your ovaries and get yourself (accompanied, of course, by your husband or other suitable adult male chaperon.) to your nearest Honda dealership. Because, come on: what woman doesn’t want a PINK CAR?

Honda folks? This is the WORST marketing campaign since the Teleflora flowers ad, which insulted women, degraded relationships, and suggested that flowers are a kind of sexual commerce — during the Superbowl. But, ladies, who could resist the shiny pink color and the lovely pink stitching? It is like lady catnip, isn’t it? I think I’m swooning. Let’s just take a gander at all the features in this Barbie doll-esque pink miracle, shall we?

No, we only need to discuss two. It has a windshield MADE OF MAGIC. Or as close to magic as one can get, because it’s “designed to block skin-wrinkling ultraviolet rays.” But it gets BETTER, my darling menstruating divas. It also has a “ ‘Plasmacluster’ air conditioning system that Honda claims can improve a driver’s skin quality.”

My sweet mindless brethren, isn’t this divine? Drive more — wrinkle less! Forget silly things like road safety and traction control. Your skin will look FABULOUS. Isn’t that what’s always been missing from your car? Praise Buddy Christ! Let me go fix Don Draper a cocktail, okay?

…hold on a second, ok? *takes off pearls* *steps OUT of the 1950s* *tucks away birth control* WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL? I do not need a pretty pink car, with magic air conditioning and a HEART in the pink SHE’S on its side. While I admire her greatly, my name isn’t actually JEM – for whom this car would be appropriate, because she is a cartoon.

Here’s the problem, people: while our sex is biologically determined, our gender is performative. A boy can like PINK, just as well as a girl. Our sex doesn’t predispose us to like certain things; society might. Society encourages certain behaviors and tastes – which is where open-minded folks usually step in and say, “Hey, wait a minute – my daughter can certainly play with GI Joe and Barbie.” Or “my son’s favorite color is purple.” Because, hey, everyone is entitled to like what he/she likes – to develop his/her own tastes. Creating products that are supposedly gender-specific is a losing game. Our gender – hell, our sexual orientation – does not determine our tastes, just like my hormones don’t interfere with my election preferences.

We are people. Some of us have a uterus. Some of us have a penis. There are a few who have both. But at the end of the day, we’re still people. We put our pants on one leg at a time (when we wear pants). We drink our coffee or our tea. We like sports. We like ballet. We like whatever we like. This is not determined by our sex.

And I’m fairly certain this ensured that I will never, ever buy a Honda. Because my uterus is offending. Oh, wait – no, I am offended.

  1. October 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Madison Avenue: ensuring that sexism never goes out of style.

  2. Jessica
    October 26, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Damn. I liked Honda until just now. Also? That ultra-violet blocking windshield should be standard for all windshields AND windows, particularly those on trucks because truck drivers very often suffer from (usually very lopsided) premature wrinkling and skin damage resulting from those harmful rays coming through the windows during all those hours they spend on the road. I’m pretty sure they’d be damn excited to hear about an innovation that could prevent that, considering that it has repercussions beyond vanity called, oh hey, skin cancer.

    I’m also saddened that Honda assumes I want a pink car, when all I really want in life is an EMERALD GREEN car. You know, same color as my trophy wife dress. 🙂

  3. October 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    One feature that would be great in a car marketed to women, a crash test safety rating that used a female crash test dummy.

    Aside from safety I’m also interested in handling. Of course this pink can isn’t advertised with anything like that. And of course even if I get a brown car it will match my shadow? How is matching the color of eyeshadow a selling point?

    Also are they trying to say that every other car they’ve ever made has been for men? If so I know there are quite a few women who didn’t get the memo. I of course went my whole life not knowing, until now, that pens are for men.

  4. October 27, 2012 at 12:45 am

    A pink car that improves my skin with its magic air conditioning is not what I need as a woman. I need a car that I can enter and exit while wearing a skirt, has a built-in lie detector for when I take it to the mechanic, and comes with a battering ram. Just because.

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