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fear is a fork in the road

April 29, 2019 1 comment

What do you do when you’re scared? When adrenaline and worry flood your body, like a river breaking free from its own boundaries? When you’re all instinct, fight or flight? In those moments, you can’t talk your way out of fear. You can’t bargain with it. You can’t reason with it. You may not even be able to quantify it.

 

Sometimes, fear is good, healthy. A warning system, the reason most sane people don’t try to hug snakes. Fear reminds us that heights can be deadly and maybe don’t dangle quite so far over impending doom. Fear is, for all intents and purposes, your inner Hall Monitor. Behave, or else.

 

But being scared, just like being brave, has its dangers. If you always bow your head to fear, then you don’t take any risks. And if you don’t take any risks, you’re closing a lot of doors, each one with a Maybe behind it. And that’s the temptation, isn’t it? The hypnotic draw of an adventure or opportunity.

 

It’s okay to be scared. I was reminded of this last week, when I found myself smack in the middle of something that made my pulse freak out. It made me palms sweat. It made me very careful in that moment. When confronted by fear, it’s not always easy to examine it. The why behind it can come with a lot of baggage, some of it may not even be truly yours.

 

But what if we looked at fear as a choice? What if fear is a fork in the road? The choices aren’t just left or right. It’s stay right there or go either way. Fear means you’re stuck. Fear means not choosing is choosing. And to overcome that fear, maybe you decide to take a step, a single step, nothing more.

 

Sometimes, that single step is enough to shake the panic out of your limbs. If you’re faced with a choice, you get to decide if what you want is greater than what you’re afraid of. The possibility of your dream is right there—do you reach for it, or do you hold yourself back?

 

It’s an oversimplification, perhaps. But when we’re making big choices, when we’re faced with our own insecurities, sometimes boiling it down to the barest components makes it more manageable. It’s easy to take one step, rather than walk a whole road at once. One step is how change happens, how good things manifest.

 

Consider this your reminder that you don’t have to be the bravest person ever. You don’t have to be Ayra Stark. First, you have to learn footwork. Sometimes, the trick is to take a deep breath and begin, not hurl yourself completely into the mess. But take a step. Feel the fear, notice the way your hands shake, but move. You might end up somewhere you don’t expect, but sometimes that’s the best part.

 

I promise, kittens, you’re stronger than you know.

Categories: Uncategorized

Unsaid

April 5, 2019 4 comments

Love, but I don’t say it.
There’s too much ache
in the word, too much consequence,
too much, and yet—
it’s still the truest thing,
a weightless thing,
a feeling without strings,
a kiss made of sky,
the whole thing
illuminated by stars.

Come here
with all your troubles,
each imperfect sway,
the swing of worry
in your footsteps,
the grief ripe
in your bones—
pull out all the mess
and need, lay it at my feet,
let me untie your body
from it, gently,
in a riot of salt
and skin.

Sometimes, words are wind-born,
watercolors in the rain,
an echo
of the inexplicable, heartbreak
lost in translation—
give me that, too,
all the sharp things,
unpretty, each heavy heartbeat,
let me hear it—
because love is a touch
that never tarnishes,
a fire that forgives itself
for the way it wants the air—
and here, this is a safe place
for all the things left unsaid.

Categories: Uncategorized