Home > advice -- not that you asked, Don't make me hurt you, pissed off and totally ranty > Stay Classy, America: You’re Acting like a Five Year Old

Stay Classy, America: You’re Acting like a Five Year Old

So, full confession: I hate politics. I wish there was an app that removed all the political ads from my television. I wish that the debates were actually moderated, by folks who actually…moderate? I wish that those participating in the debates had enough courtesy not to trounce all over said moderators. I also really wish they’d let Jon Stewart moderate one.

The truth is that I don’t care you who vote for. That isn’t my business. I watched two of the three debates, and yes, one of them was the Binders Full of Women – and the other was the Bayonets and Horses debate. (“The 80s called it wants its foreign policy back.” I’ll admit it: I chuckled. But I’d also like to say: my ten year old self called, and she’d like her pithy sense of humor back.) Apparently, no one watched the first debate, including the President.

Last night, Ann Coulter said some pretty stupid shit. I know this, because Twitter told me so. The folks are in a tizzy and rightly so. Regardless of political affiliations, the stuff in uncool. But this is, unfortunately, par for the Coulter crazy course. It’s her schtick. It’s what she does to get attention. And you know what? It’s working, as long as we keep talking about it. So, I’m not talking about it anymore.

You know what I’m going to talk about? The anti-The Other Guy hate. Coulter says something tremendously stupid, and people respond, “Punch the cunt in the neck! Or kill her!” And a part of my happy little soul shrivels up in horror. First of all, it’s never ok to call a woman a cunt. Second of all, even in a joking manner, that shit’s not funny. It makes you look like an asshat for a whole host of reasons, none of which you’re going to like. If you’re a man and you say that, it opens up a can of gender troubles that you probably don’t want to get into. Talking like that also undermines whatever statement you’re trying to make. Because sometimes, all people can hear is the hate seething out of your words – which, hey, way to stoop down a few levels.

I’ll be fair and say that a remarkable number of people in the Republican party have said appallingly insane things this election season. The fact that we’ve actually said the term ‘legitimate rape’ makes me angrier than I can even convey. However, when you start attacking people based on party affiliation (terms like repug, for example) – you lose credibility. You lose whatever higher ground you might’ve had. Because you’re acting like a five year old, throwing sand and pulling hair on the playground. Except a five year old is expected to do those things because THEY’RE FIVE.

There’s something to be said for conducting yourself with a bit of grace and dignity. There’s something to be said for taking the high road. Don’t get me wrong – I love a good joke, dirty or otherwise. In fact, I spent most of the debate last night snarking my ever-loving snark out. And it filled me with joy. Because politics, my friends, is perfect comedic fodder. Yes, Romney called the United States the “hope of the earth.” And yes, I want to know where the One Ring is – and if we’re going to Mordor soon. Poor, poor Frodo. And sure, I’ve only now heard about this newfangled thing called a SUBMARINE – and GUYS! It goes under WATER. How cool is THAT?

But you know what you are, when you act like an idiot and say you want to punch someone in the neck? Congratulations, you’re right on the level with Romney’s SON, who supposedly wanted to punch the President. So, stay classy, America. Until next time, I’ll be sitting in the back, making references to the Breakfast Club, as soon as I decipher what the frakkin’ hell a DEBT BURDEN is. Because I don’t know about you, but I’m trying to figure out where the FUN debts are.

  1. October 23, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Sadly, this is so true. These are times when I don’t miss not watching television. I’ve noticed a new trend where bizarre political debates take place in the comments on news stories posted online. I’m not talking about political news stories, which makes sense, but a story about a family dealing with a child with a rare medical condition where people suddenly are debating healthcare and Obamacare and such. It’s just more confirmation that there are lot of crazies out there.

    • October 23, 2012 at 10:59 am

      Sometimes I read those comments just to see how long it takes before someone brings politics into it. Even when the article doesn’t have any relationship to a political hot button like healthcare (like, say, an article on Honey Boo Boo), someone will blame the other political side and start a huge argument.

    • October 23, 2012 at 12:20 pm

      Oh, man. Yes, that is crazy, isn’t it? It’s like people will use ANYTHING as a platform. *shakes head* Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂

  2. October 23, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    I, too, can’t wait for the election to pass so my social feeds will stop getting clogged with the kind of nonsense that makes me question my sanity — (i.e., how did I not know this person thinks this way?) I don’t like that. I don’t like judging anyone solely by their political slant, nor do I like being judged that way. I have not ‘liked’ any one candidate online for this reason.

    What I really despise is the kind of hypocrisy these debates bring out — a person says they’re pro-life but supports the death penalty. Or supports the separation of church and state and then has a cow about prayer in school. And the one I hate most? “I love America and everything it stands for but I hate both guys so I’m not voting.”


  3. October 24, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    “Apparently, no one watched the first debate, including the President.”

    Golden, that.

    I just mentioned The Breakfast Club to one of my neighbors a few minutes ago. Huh.

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