Home > Poetry > all my love loosened

all my love loosened

I was born screaming, red-faced,
earlier than three turns
of someone else’s moon:
I should’ve died, but I didn’t.
I should’ve been failed of life,
but instead I was a fairy
for my very first Halloween,
but you have not seen them.

They sent me home early
for good behavior,
and there are pictures of me
in a stocking, my first Christmas,
wearing doll clothes
because nothing else would fit
(I was too small),
but you have not seen them.

I can count the number of times
I should’ve died, tick them off
my fingers like stories
of someone else’s progress,
but they belong to me
as the star belongs to the sky
(what is one without the other?),
but you have not seen them.

Today, I write this song for you,
all my secrets let out,
all my love loosened at the seams –
pluck a string
and you will find it, tethered
to my mad, mad heart
(what is love without madness?
what is madness without love?),
but you have not seen it.

Tonight, I am made of
a hunger so acute
that it pulls my past from my bones;
memories flying out of my fingers,
my passions cast from a few sparse moments,
shirking the idea of a harmony
I know I’ll never have; all I have
are questions, a love that rises
without permission,
but you have not asked for it.

Still, I fear
it has made me as useless
as a half-hearted kiss,
as the idea of burying the wound,
as a watercolor left out in the rain.
But I do not wash off.
I do not keep quiet.
I do not run.
I was born in a battle.
I was blessed by a curious call.
I am the sum of an open heart.
I am well-forged.
I know when war
opens its wide mouth –
mine will be wider,
my scream impossible to forget.

Categories: Poetry
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