Posts Tagged ‘friends’

The Panicky Things

April 14, 2011 4 comments


When I was a kid, I used to be an alarmist. I didn’t handle catastrophes well. Once, the family dog somehow got tangled in his choke collar. And that was it – I swore the dog was going to DIE.

He didn’t. My mother calmly cut him out of it with wire cutters, if I remember right. Ta-da. Cooler heads prevail. The dog lived. (Only, I might add, to get eaten by alligators or mountain lions. I WISH I WERE KIDDING.)

Somewhere along the line, I stopped panicking. Instead of, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” in rapid, crazed succession – I learned to think, “Alright, what can do?”

Sometimes, that makes all the difference. Dwelling doesn’t. If I can grab a hammer and fix a fence board, awesome. If I can make soup for a sick person, great. If I can check on a horse to make sure she’s okay, fantastic.

I’m not a naturally patient person, by and large. In certain instances, for certain people, I’m Mother Theresa. But patience is not a virtue I was born with.

This morning, I was met with, “I think the horse is sick.” I asked a series of questions, and I went out to check the horse.

The horse is not sick. She just needs her feed bucket cleaned. Don’t panic. Find an easy solution.

The horse, by the way, is Flash:

Pretty, isn’t she? (I feel compelled to admit that she is not currently that clean. She rolled. In the mud.)

I’ve gotten pretty good at remaining calm when all I want to do is freak out, run in circles like a Stooge, and generally fall apart. But it doesn’t help, so I can’t justify it. If panicking were to somehow be advantageous, I might be more tempted.

Maybe this is because I’m stubborn. I know I’m stubborn. If it was an Olympic sport, I’d take home the gold, silver, and bronze. (I’m not, however, close-minded.) I think that stubbornness can be an advantage and disadvantage — if used to good or evil. So to speak.

A few summers ago, my best friend got pool shock-it in her eye. It splashed up at her face. I kept calm. I got her to rinse it out. It didn’t get better. So, we went to the emergency room. They flushed it out. She lived to tell the tale.

I’d rather get things done, and at least attempt productivity, than not. I think I’m a little bit like a guy in this department. You tell me your trouble, and I’ll tell you a possible solution – if I can.

The worst thing, for me, are the things that I can’t fix. The ones that go beyond Band-Aids and soothing voices. The ones that don’t have a certain outcome. The things that my skill set can’t even touch.

Sickness. Inability to communicate. Lack of communication. Change. Silence. Fears. Doubts.

These things pile up, sometimes. They creep into to everybody’s life like monsters, lurking in the closet – whispering in the last hours of night, when sleep seems impossible. I think that most people do their best to ignore those creatures. Push them aside. Fill the space with something else in an attempt to force out The Panicky Things.

This is when surrounding yourself with good people is, well, a good thing. People who see a ranty, spastic email at three in the morning – and offer you kind words and wisdom. Who tell you, “Hey, you’re not crazy” and mean it. Or pretend to mean it. God knows, we all float down here.

(Pause) Creepy clown.

This is the part where I thank my friends. Because you kickass. Even if some of us are geographically challenged for the time being. And even if a few of you are Canadian. I mean, you have BAGGED milk. *wink*

Learning How to Be a Writer (Or Dealing with Awkward Silences)

November 11, 2010 2 comments


There are conversations I don’t like having. These conversations usually begin with an innocuous seeming question. This is merely a clever disguise for a lightning sand conversation, which then brings the burst of fireswamp fire, and if luck is not with me, the ROUSs.

Things like, “Are you seeing anyone special?” or “What do you do?” or “Why aren’t you married yet?”

These things are the Gateway to Awkward. But the “What do you do?” is a flaming hoop that bounces, and I usually try and jump through it as quickly as possible – the conversational equivalent of, “Chug it! Chug it!” Hold your nose, and swallow the medicine. As fast as you can. There is no sugar for it.

“I’m a writer.” [blank, or possibly curious look] Then I’m usually asked, “What have you published?”

 At this point, I try and hide. Or I pretend to choke. Or I mutter. Or I just talk very fast in the (vain) hope no one will understand me – and no follow up questions will be asked. (This rarely works.)

 I’ve had a few poems published. A couple of articles. I’ve written two books. None of my short stories have seen the light of day, yet. I’m shopping the second book around, and I’m still vaguely hopeful about it. Because I like the story. I had fun writing it. And I think the characters are interesting.

 But will it sell? I don’t know. That is not, however, the current point.

 As a writer, I often walk around feeling vaguely fraudulent. Like I have adopted a clever disguise, and I’m playacting. When I tell someone that I haven’t published a novel (yet), I usually get asked, “Why not?” as if agents and publishing contracts are something you order from a catalogue or off of the television.

 “I’m in the process of looking for an agent” is often met with, “Weren’t you doing that last year?”

 Er, um. Yes? But here’s the thing: I haven’t found one, yet. It can be about as difficult as finding a job in this bloody effin’ mess of an economy – which, by the way, affects everything, from agents to book-buyers.

Being a writer takes time and talent – and I have at least one of those things. (Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all week.) It has never once occurred to me to give up, which either means I have tenacity, faith in myself, or I am incredibly stubborn. (Possibly a mixture of all three, but I won’t tell you the proportions for that particular cocktail.)

I am, however, lucky in a lot of respects. I have family and friends who believe in me, even when they suspect I might be crazy. There are people in my corner, so I’m less likely to pull a Hemingway every time I get a rejection notice. (If I can find it, I NEED to share with you the worst rejection I ever received, with the name redacted of course. It was traumatic and childish all at once.)

I’m also lucky that I have people in the writing world that I consider friends. People who have been through the trials, tribulations, and trenches – and have emerged victorious. (No name dropping, but you all know who you are. One of you has purple streaks in her hair. Another has fabulous taste in clothing and shoes. And I owe another a long-deserved drink.) This means if I start to panic, or I’m worried about something, I can ask a question. And I do.

There is a sense of camaraderie. (This is the very first time I’ve been able to spell that word correctly, EVER.) There is a sense of, “I’ve been there. I know what you mean.” I’ve also been at this a while that I know a few things, so I can advise others (minimally, in my opinion, but still).

So, I’ll deal with the awkward silences. They’re par for the course. A right of passage, I suppose. Until I can point to my novel, and go – Look, Ma! Top of the world!

Well, that might not be exactly the words I’d use, but still. Without the awkward silences, how could one appreciate the (future) thunderous applause? Or, in more realistic terms, without the error, I can’t learn. Without the difficulties, I would not appreciate the eventual wins. Let’s face it – if everything came easy, and everyone got exactly what he/she wanted without having to work for it, what fun would that be? It would be boring. And we’d all be very bored.

Plus, every writer I know does not write because it is his/her job. He/she does it because of love. Because it’s like breathing. It’s necessary for life. The same goes for every other artist. A painter paints. A sculptor sculpts. A photographer photographs.

We see what we see. And we want you to see it too.