Home > Poetry > I’m Sorry

I’m Sorry

 

(after Jeanann Verlee’s “Genetics of Regret“)

 

I’m sorry I kept calling. Sorry for every time the phone rang and you were forced to pick it up. I’m sorry that it made you uncomfortable to know that you are loved. I’m sorry for the backseat confessions and my lack of fear. Sorry I wrote our story, wrote around our story, and then pretended you might pay attention to all the things I didn’t say. I’m sorry I was what made your life more broken. Sorry that I kept my tears to myself. I’m sorry that I gave you things without expectation, without counting out the cost. I’m sorry all your photo albums are lies, all your smiles don’t quite reach your eyes, sorry that you aren’t free. Sorry you don’t know how to break windows or walls, anymore. Sorry that you trapped yourself. Sorry that you’ve learned to accept your cage. I’m sorry for your lack of brave and my abundance of it. I’m sorry that I was so honest, so open – sorry I let my heart out, wild as it is. Sorry I gave it to you. Sorry I don’t want it back. Sorry that I still miss you, even though it hurts, burning like too many shots of tequila, like too much straight rum, like the time I skinned my knee and then punished it with peroxide. I’m sorry for the way I learned to like the pain. I’m sorry for the way I stopped calling. Sorry for the times I pick up the phone, but don’t dial. I’m sorry for every second it doesn’t ring. I’m sorry for the way my voice has gotten small, how silence snuck into our relationship. I’m sorry for way I can’t stop blaming myself, regret like a flood in my stomach, overturning everything. I’m sorry for all the ways I miss you, but don’t have words for. I’m sorry that I still have hope. Sorry that I’m still waiting. Sorry that I don’t know how to give up or give up. I’m sorry that I love you so hard that it might break me. I’m sorry you’re so far away by choice, sorry you’re so silent that maybe you’ve forgotten your own voice. Sorry that you’re all run and no fight. Sorry that you couldn’t say I love you back, not even just once. I’m sorry that I needed to hear it. Sorry that I cried. Sorry that I’ll never admit this is killing me. I’m sorry for all the ways this doesn’t make sense. Sorry we can’t talk it about. Sorry we can’t talk. I’m sorry that I feel abandoned in a way I don’t quite understand. I’m sorry I’m so forgiving, even when you don’t ask. I’m sorry I’m not like other girls. Sorry that I understand you better than anyone else. I’m sorry I let you go. I’m sorry that I pretended to.

I’m sorry you don’t call. I’m sorry I still need you.

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Categories: Poetry
  1. May 25, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    Nive one

  2. May 27, 2014 at 12:45 am

    Damn, girl. I raise my glass to this.

  3. May 27, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Staggering.

  4. May 28, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    Just heartbreaking. It makes so much sense.

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