Home > Uncategorized > You Got Me

You Got Me

            There are times where I don’t know what to say – because I want to say something, but each time I think about it, the words come out all wrong. There are times where I want to reach someone, but I don’t know how. I don’t know the magic bit of phrasing that will open a door or turn on a light bulb – or even, in the toughest cases, act like a wrecking ball. Walls, in my opinion, are only necessary when you are protecting yourself from actual harm – not, say, when you are afraid. Or trying, in theory, to protect someone else. You cannot do that.

            Granted, it does take courage to let someone in. It’s never entirely easy, and it can be scary. Because, at the end of the day, it leaves you vulnerable. Sometimes, we are taught that openness/vulnerability is a kind of weakness – but it’s usually only when that openness has been exploited by somebody. That does happen. And it can leave a person feeling raw and gun-shy. But I think that no matter how many times we get hurt, we get back up. We dust off our hearts and bruises, and we try again. We give people chances. We dance in the dance. We dance in the dark. We strip it all done and leave ourselves bare – because the risk is worth the potential that we gain when we do that.

            I believe in people, even though humanity at large can be disappointing. I believe in letting people in, even when it isn’t pretty –even when it is downright ugly as hell. Real life and real relationships aren’t always squeaky clean. I don’t believe in perfection. I believe in flaws. And flaws are okay. And so are mistakes. Life is messy. Love is messy. And that mess, however unpredictable and difficult, can be so damn beautiful. When someone allows you to see their mess, that’s an honest connection. It can happen in small ways. It can happen in big ways. But it’s important for it to happen.

            But back to my initial point: there are moments where I just don’t know what to do or say. I want to do or say something, because my first instinct is always to help or protect. If I’m claimed you as my people, part of my tribe – no matter what the circumstances – I will always want to lend you a hand, or an ear, or a hug. Whatever I can do, I want to do it. So, when I find myself in a situation where I’m not sure how to proceed, how to help, or even if that help would be welcome…it leaves me feels off-kilter. I’ve gotten better at patience in this respect, but it isn’t something that comes naturally to me. I can be the most patient person on earth, but sometimes that just goes totally out the window – and I find myself chomping at the proverbial bit. I want to fix. It is just a thing I can’t really tamp down. And, really, if I could, I wouldn’t want to. It is an important part of who I am.

            This morning, I’m trying to decide if keeping quiet is the wiser course of action. It goes against everything I believe. But it is also a matter of realizing that not everything is mine to fix. And sometimes, it isn’t easy my place – or I’m not sure that it is. Relationship dynamics can be weird. Still, at the end of the day, I think it’s important for those we love to know that a) we love them and b) they’re not alone. Knowing that someone has your back, knowing that someone loves you and is just there – it makes all the difference in the world. And the truth is, if I love you, I’m always in your corner. I’m always here.

            So, maybe, it’s not a matter of finding the right words, per se. Maybe it is merely a matter of letting someone know they’re loved. Something as simple as, “I love you. I’m here.” Because there are times where you really can’t do anything. But that? That reassurance? It can change the tide. It can turn the tables. I’ve said it before, that something as simple as “I love you. I’m here.” is powerful. And you can bet your heart that I believe the hell out of that.

            If you’re having a bad day, a bad week, a bad whatever – I love you. I’m here. Whatever you need, whenever you need it. Lean on me. I’m stronger than I look, darlings. And if you don’t know that by now, darlings, you’re not looking at me hard enough.

 

Advertisements
  1. April 9, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    So beautifully, perfectly said. I think you’re right about, well, all of it. It’s SO hard to open up after you’ve been hurt. And it’s SO hard to reach someone who has erected walls. But, as you note, both are important. They are what makes this life what it is meant to be. Connection, love, feeling seen and held, it is all what we are here to learn. We just forget that, we forget each other, we forget that we’re all really quite alike underneath and everyone wants to be loved and accepted. I don’t think there are right words (which I know, for a writer, is a hard concept). Aside from, I love you. I’m here for you. If they don’t open the door, it’s not you. It’s about that fear to open up again. Your friends are very lucky to have you.

    • April 10, 2014 at 10:39 am

      Thank you so much for this lovely comment. It really is hard to open up after we have been hurt. I think, though, when we don’t — we are harming ourselves MD denying potential. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Lol connection matters. Bravery matters. Being there and showing up matters. Thank you, as well, the compliment. I am lucky in that the people in my life enrich it so — you included! Xoxo

  2. April 22, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    With such apologies as might be warranted for lurking-and-then-not…

    From where I’m standing it’s all about attention. Are you paying attention to them? Are they paying attention to you?

    I can’t say for certain that this maps to you well, because I’m not you, just something of a bystander who recognizes a particular brand of introspection (similar to his own) in someone else’s words. Even so, I will speak for myself:

    Someone who values my high regard will listen to me, will give me the time I need to frame and deliver the words I’m trying to get out. Someone who values my high regard will step forward when I say “yes” and step back when I say “no”. Someone who values my high regard will notice when, in lieu of words, I’ve DONE something for them.

    Last but not least in this litany, someone who values my high regard—and is anxious for me to value theirs—might bide their time until they know I’ll listen, but otherwise won’t hold back.

    Then it’s on me to give them the time to fashion their words.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: