Thirteen Ways to Miss Someone

1. Every waking moment, like all the oxygen’s been taken out of the room. When you do not wake, you dream. When you dream, you see his/her face.
2. In every song you hear. The lyrics remind you of everything you want and need.
3. Between I love you and the silence that follows.
4. When the car crashes and your heart aches – but does not break.
5. Quietly, like a pulling tide. Insistent.
6. When lightning strikes the sand and turns it to glass. You wish you were the lightning. Then you wish you were the sand.
7. Standing on the edge of a cliff. You want to jump. You want to be pushed. Sometimes, the fall kills you. Sometimes, you fly. (Apologies to Neil Gaiman.)
8. Madly. Without reservation. As if the top of your head has come off. Suddenly, you can hold nothing in, and so much of you pours out.
9. Silently, with your back turned and your hands clenched. Because ignoring the feelings make them go away. Only, it doesn’t. Only, it makes it worse.
10. When you can no longer look at yourself in the mirror, without seeing his/her face. Without conjuring – involuntarily, in a fit of abject longing – the feeling of teeth, lips, and hands.
11. Stuck in the middle of the moment when you realize that this is a disaster. That you cannot be apart. That you do not know how to say it or how to ask.
12. In the dark, before you fall asleep, when the house is quiet and there’s nothing to distract you.
13. When all your fears are screaming at you, but you just smile at them. They are nothing in the face of what you feel. What you feel is everything.

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