I Belong to You

I belong to you.

Four, simple powerful words. Different than I love you, but no less weighty, no less dangerous. Often times, on greeting cards, you’ll find we belong together, scribbled in glittery. A fancy idea. But belong to someone is an entirely different matter. It means love. It means putting another person first. It means commitment. Belonging to someone is no small endeavor, no small love.

On last night’s Scandal (Happy Birthday, Mr. President), we learned so many things. We learned that Hollis was responsible for the bombing; his actions were extreme. He wanted to silence a reporter, so he silenced his source. We learned that Cyrus was, or thought he was, a closeted gay man at one point. We learned that the late press secretary (a shooting victim) was part of Liv’s staff when she was at the White House. We found out that Mellie was always sharp as hell and sweetly ruthless. The reason Olivia Pope left the White House was revealed to be that Mellie confronted her about her relationship with Fitz. (Yes, relationship. Not a one-time thing, as I had previously thought. This was a full-blown affair.) She did it as Mellie does: slyly, with perfect aim. Why waste a bullet, when a well-placed knife will do? After that conversation, Olivia resigned.

Now, Fitz has been shot. This is what brings Olivia Pope back to the White House. The President – the man she loves – is in a coma. So, she does what she can to help, by doing what she does best: try to fix things, while the world hangs in the balance. We don’t know if Fitz’s going to die, but it certainly seems that way. Imagine being Liv, with all the love and unresolved feelings swirling inside you. Imagine the feelings of guilt, of sadness for not seizing that love with everything you had – and facing the fact that you may never be able to. That is a special kind of hell. And only time will tell what happens, especially with Sally Langston, the VP, assuming the presidency. (Which leads me to wonder if SHE was the one that gave the order to have Fitz shot. The only other thing I have to add is: WTF, HUCK? This is bad, man. This is very, very bad.)

The other person fiercely loyal to Fitz, and not just his status or position, is Cyrus. When Cyrus confronted Sally about her complete lack of respect, and her abundance of audacity, it was sheer brilliance. Jeff Perry is amazing. I have loved him ever since he was on a little show called my so-called life. But he shines on this series, and he is a force to be reckoned with. I, for one, hope he eviscerates Sally Langston, whom I do not trust.

But right now, I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about Liv and Fitz. Liv and Fitz maintained their relationship, with the understanding they’d stop when he became president. (Side-note: I want to steal her wardrobe. That black and white dress was STUNNING. Send one my way! Size 2.) It did not. Because once you fall in love, once you act on love, there is no off switch. There’s no line drawn in the sand. There’s two people who cannot, physically or emotionally, stay away from each other. And even thought it isn’t perfect, even though he’s married and she works for him, neither of them are victims. They are active participants in a complicated situation.

And they know each other. They see each other. For his inauguration, Olivia buys him an antique pin worn by a former president. It only has 48 stars, and she wanted to give him something special. He quips that she is his something special, and my heart melted. But the point is: the gift has meaning. Mellie is wowed by the pin, which reminds us that in the previous episode, she didn’t know what to get Fitz for his birthday. So, Cyrus took care of it. She doesn’t know her own husband enough to buy him a present. Telling, that. Regardless, both Liv and Fitz struggle with their feeling for each other. Fitz is steadfast. Olivia is panicked at times, flighty, insecure. She wants to run for a multitude of reasons. It all looks wrong on paper. It’s emotional overload. But for Fitz, he can’t stop. He can’t walk away. It’s not an option. He cares too much. He’s in too deep. She, as he confesses, is the most important person in his life. Think about that for a minute. She is the most important person in his life.

Nothing is more arresting than that kind of love. Than belonging to someone else, not just loving them. That’s not something you’ll find on a greeting card. That’s love that seeps into your marrow, akin to obsession, a love that becomes part of who you are, and not just something that you feel.

I belong to you. They both admit this, though in very different tones. They are both desperate, here. Both hurting. Both wanting to do the right thing, and yet, wanting the circumstances to be different. Olivia is trying to push him away – even though by circumstance, he is supposed to be unavailable. But the heart is a strange creature. And Olivia, as she admits in a later, intimate scene (seeing the actual constitution) – is in love with Fitz. She’s in it with him. She’s in.

And then, Mellie confronts her, and it all falls to hell. Because Liv is very much about being a good person, about doing the right thing. And that exchange is enough to shatter her already battered conscience, despite her own heart. Despite all the love that she feels. Despite everything. And since she can’t stop those emotions, she does the one thing she can do: she resigns. She doesn’t talk to Fitz about it, because if they have that conversation, she’ll never leave. She writes a letter, leaves it on his desk with the pin, and goes.

You know, if I was Fitz? I don’t know if I would recover from that. His marriage is a pitiful sham, built on a foundation of façades. And the one person he relies on, trusts implicitly, loves and cares for – she leaves him without a single word. Fitz’s behavior, then, in the past season and a half – it makes perfect sense. Because he was true to his word, when he said that Liv couldn’t push him away. He didn’t give up hope, even (I think) when he let her go.

When Liv, during Hunting Season, told Fitz I am not yours – it was a direct contrast to the I belong to you. It was her, trying to push him away again. And, perhaps, it worked. Perhaps it would only have been a temporary isolation. Because as their history has shown, they can only stay apart for so long. Because the love that they feel for each other isn’t just love. It is also belonging. Fitz is always perfectly calm, except when confessing to Liv. She is what undoes him. Mellie yells at him, and he simply sits there like a statute. But when Olivia does it, passion moves him to speak in such a way that it stops Liv’s pacing in the Rose Garden. She paces, and he is what stops her. That is a balance.

I wonder, with Fitz in a coma, what will balance Olivia now. In a way, he grounded her, as much as she unhinged him. And my question is this: where do you belong, when the person you belonged to is no longer physically there?

I don’t know the answer to that. But I do know one thing: if Fitz dies, Olivia will break. It will haunt her for the rest of her days. She will lose a part of herself, that part that she gave to Fitz. Because that kind of love, when it is violently yanked away, it leaves a wound that will never fully heal. You don’t feel that kind of passion, that depth of belonging, without consequences. I hope, for Olivia’s sake, that Fitz defies the odds. Because, sometimes, love should win out over logic and reason.