Home > Poetry > that guy (a repost)

that guy (a repost)

Because we all know a sweet-seeming creeper. Because some things shouldn’t be ignored. Because sometimes, we forget that we shouldn’t let things slide with a smile.

that guy — audio.

Text:

You know, there’s always that guy.
He’s harmless, mostly. He will always
greet you with a smile, he’s
friends with all of your friends,
though no one can remember
who was his friend first. It’s like
you all woke up one day
and there he was,
and there he stayed,
and you realize
with a kick of dread:
there’s actually no getting rid of him.

You see, that guy can be sweet,
he can be charming, but he’s always
straddling the line between
nice guy and
creepy ass weirdo.
For example,
you wear a nice dress
you wear a bikini
you show off a new pair of heels –
he drools on the floors, walks around
like a dog in heat, smiling at you
this peculiar smile, as if he’s picturing
you naked.
When you tell him that your behavior
kinda creeps me out, he spreads his hands wide
and give you his best mea culpa smile,
professing that he didn’t mean anything by it.
When he does, do not believe him.
Next time, he’ll do it again.

You know you’re in trouble
when he starts speaking in single words,
things like YUM and WHOA,
and suddenly you’re sixteen again
watching blossom on tv, wondering
what it’s like to find your voice –
snap out of it. You are nearly thirty,
and you are no one’s reduction.
This guy is kind of obnoxious.
This guy is the passive aggressive
semi-sweet asshole – don’t you forget it.

When he starts writing you poetry, run.
Do not wait. Do not pass go. Do not even stop
to ask for directions. Just go. He’s one step away
from a dirt pit in the basement,
he’s one step away from a basket with lotion,
he is the most clever creep –
because he seems so normal.
Remember that he makes your skin crawl,
remember that he’s inappropriate with a smile,
remember that you keep a pocket knife in your purse,
and your tongue is a better blade than that –
you have words like bombs,
you have hands like bullets:
use them.
Do not regret this.
Do not ask questions.
Just tell him to fuck off.

When he apologizes, and he will,
when he looks at you like he’s actually sorry,
do not forgive him,
do not tell him it’s okay,
do not believe him when he says it was just
a misunderstanding – it’s not.
And if you open the door half an inch,
he will try to throw open the window,
you will find him sneaking around
leaving messages on your voicemail
when you don’t remember giving him
your number, in fact you’re sure that you didn’t.

You know, there’s always that guy,
with his wile e. coyote manners,
with his ACME anvil moves,
with his oops, was that offense? looks,
with his gee you just took that the wrong way bullshit.
Do not buy it.
Do not forgive.
Do not ignore it.

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Categories: Poetry
  1. December 9, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Ali! I love this mucho. So very true and so very great. I like how this is full of humor and seriousness. Love this line – “sweet-seeming creeper”, because yes, we all have those in our lives.

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