Home > Uncategorized > Don’t Be a Tool Bag

Don’t Be a Tool Bag

“A BREAKUP is an opportunity to TRADE UP.”

A few minutes ago, someone retweeted that. It was written by account called The Daily Love. It is something that should be set on fire, because it is ridiculous. Yes, I’m seething with complete rage. How is it possible that people still say shit like that? Because I don’t know. I get that after a breakup some survival techniques include the following: over-excercising, getting drunk, eating an entire frozen foods section (should foods have an apostrophe? I’m too annoyed to correct my own grammar.) worth of ice cream, bitching to your friends, and generally loathing humanity. Add wine, vodka, rum, and a sprig of mint – and voila!

However, the hyperlinked statement? That’s not enlightened. That’s not smart. That’s one very speedy way to a) undervalue the person you dated, b) the time you spent with that person, and c) reduce your relationship to the acquisition of material goods. (For the record, people are PEOPLE. Not stocks. Not trading cards. They do not come with receipts or instruction manuals. The kind that DO end up in a film with Ryan Gosling, and they’re not exactly PEOPLE. Savvy?)

Don’t get me wrong: sometimes, we all date assholes. Sometimes, you find yourself in a relationship, and then one day – you wake up and think, Dear God/Krishna/Buddha, what in the unholy hell of the universe am I DOING? I’m not talking about that kind of Come to Jesus (or Satan, as the case may be) moment. I’m not addressing a specific situation. Instead, I’m taking issue with the aforementioned sentiment.

Respect should be paid to the memory of what was. To the good times. To the honest moments. To the small bits of joy extricated from the wreckage. There’s no need to be so callous. That isn’t promoting healthy emotions or love. Or even a semblance of decency or kindness. Instead, it’s taking a shiv to your own past, to something you chose, to a person YOU wanted to spend time with.

I’ll say it again: a person is not a car. You don’t trade in your old one and leave the lot with a shiny, person-like corvette. This is not an episode of The Twilight Zone or Outer Limits. This is life. This is your heart. This is not an iphone upgrade.

When a relationship ends, you’re not trading up. You’re starting over. You acknowledge that it didn’t work (for whatever reason), and you move on. Because dwelling isn’t going to make ANYONE happy. It isn’t going to make you look like a shining example of awesome, either. Saying something like that is immature and classless.

Devaluing the other person makes you look like a complete tool bag. Not a single tool. A WHOLE BAG. So, save yourselves from the complete humiliation of being a heaps of dull pliers. Okay? Okay.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. the tweeter
    July 1, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    er… maybe I’ll unretweet.

    • July 1, 2012 at 8:29 pm

      You tweet what you want. The sentiment ticked me off.

  2. July 1, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    Yuk. What are these people, like, 12? Even my worst decisions to date the most hideous people (and yes, I’ve been there) were still breakups because we weren’t right for each other. (You know, I needed sanity.) I still learned from the relationship, and I NEVER considered my next relationship as “trading up.” It was more like I was “growing up.”

  3. July 2, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    This is kind of how I felt when I was in college and a girl friend of mine said, “time for an upgrade” when she spoke of the next dorm or apartment or place I was going to live in the following year. Really? So I should just spend my whole life chasing after the next best “upgrade” of a house to be happy?

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