The Importance of Knowing and Waiting
Sometimes, knowing the answer to a question is a kind of magic. There’s a tremendous power in understanding, even if what we are told isn’t all sunshine and lollipops. Sometimes, knowing makes it easier to be patient. For me, that’s usually the case. If I understand a situation, I can make peace with it. If there’s too much doubt, I turned into a spastic, frenetic bull in a china shop. In short, I panic. I don’t think I quite realized that until recently. When I cannot grasp what’s going on, it affects me like an electric shock, one that curls up on the inside of my skin with nowhere to go and nothing to ground it. Emotional lightning, if you will.
Lately, I’ve been trying to ask questions, even if they are difficult. Perhaps especially then. I am, honestly, not a natural at that kind of thing. Sometimes, I’d much rather shove my head in the dirt and ignore the world. But I am not an ostrich, and that just won’t do.
This morning, though, I’ve been thinking about the questions we don’t ask. The ones that we think we don’t have the right to say aloud, or the ones we are afraid of because we either know the answer (and do not like it) or we have no idea what the answer will be (and thus, are terrified of the unknown).
The other day, I made a promise. I made it without hesitation and without having to be asked. To me, it wasn’t even a question that was up for grabs. It wasn’t a thing that needed considering. That, in itself, is a kind of declaration. Because I don’t make promises lightly. I don’t venture into the fray blindly and without reason. As to the specific reason itself, well…that is a thing that reveals itself with time.
Even though I am not a patient person, I will wait for something worth waiting for. All things are possible. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice the immediate for the sake of the future. That’s not always easy, but by my experience, it’s always worth it. Particularly in today’s society of microwaveable EVERYTHING, text messages, and instant video rentals. We are being reconditioned, it seems, to think that all things should be instantaneously and immediate. But there’s something to be said for delaying that gratification, for building up that anticipation, and for taking your time. Hell, every time my phone bings, I react like Pavolv’s dog and paw at it. Instant interaction. Instant connection. But there’s much more to be said for a phone call or a conversation over coffee. (Don’t get me wrong, I will NOT stop emailing, texting, or tweeting. I value all forms of communication.)
So (*raises coffee mug*), here’s to waiting — words, I assure you, I never thought I’d say.