Home > advice -- not that you asked, Poetry, prose, Random Musings, Writing > Thirteen Ways to Forget Him or Her

Thirteen Ways to Forget Him or Her

  1. Find the river Lethe. Drink an entire cup. Don’t vomit it back up, even if it tastes of poison.
  2. Drink gin. If there is no gin, drink vodka. If there is no vodka, open the tequila. Do not drink the worm.
  3. Smile at everyone. They will forget your pain. Eventually, that will convince you it’s gone.
  4. Never say ‘I miss you.’ Don’t write it down, either.
  5. Remove all contacts from your cell phone.
  6. Burn all photographs. Yes, even the one you hid under the mattress.
  7. Lie.
  8. Pretend to be someone else. Use an accent. Make up a backstory. Lose yourself in that other life.
  9. Don’t look in the mirror. Failing that, don’t ask the mirror questions. Don’t ask any questions at all, ever.
  10. Take up running. Try to outrun yourself.
  11. Laugh at everything, loudly. Sometimes, too loudly.
  12. Avoid every wolf that comes to your door. They are not meant to be friendly, no matter what is promised.
  13. When all else fails (and it will), there is only one thing left to do: forgive.
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  1. Alicia Marie Phillips
    September 20, 2011 at 9:06 am

    sound advice right there. Sounds like it’s built from experience.. 😦

    • Ali
      September 21, 2011 at 8:26 am

      Thanks, Alicia! 🙂

  2. September 20, 2011 at 9:13 am

    *applause*

    • Ali
      September 21, 2011 at 8:27 am

      *grin* Thanks, Rita!! 🙂

  3. Jessica
    September 20, 2011 at 11:31 am

    #2. Gin is my new break-up drink. Thankfully, I have not had to employ it again since deciding that almost a year ago. (Whiskey was my previous break-up drink… that never turned out well.)

    • Ali
      September 21, 2011 at 8:27 am

      Confession: I honestly can’t stand gin. The one and only time I tried to drink it, I ordered a gin martini. I wanted to see why Bond drank them all the time (totally not kidding), and it tasted like poison. Is there a better gin drink?

  4. September 20, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    Yes.

    • Ali
      September 21, 2011 at 8:28 am

      Anna, thank you very much for reading and commenting! Welcome to my blog. 🙂

  5. September 20, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    i love these! esp. #11 since i’m already in the habit of doing that, haha. they think i’m smoking something.

    • Ali
      September 21, 2011 at 8:28 am

      Laughter is good for you, damn it! 🙂

  6. September 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Ali, that was So much fun…I love it!!! Thanks!!!!

    • Ali
      September 23, 2011 at 7:48 am

      Ana, thank you so much!!! I’m really glad that you enjoyed this. 🙂

  1. February 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

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