Home > Humor, Random Musings > Thirteen Ways to Handle Love or Repair a Broken Heart

Thirteen Ways to Handle Love or Repair a Broken Heart


  1. Ask ‘why me?’ instead of ‘why not?’ Then, forget the question.
  2. Pretend you never met him/her.
  3. When walking the tightrope, never wear shoes – but carry a parachute. If you slip, always have a plan B.
  4. Get off the train tracks.
  5. Pretend that your heart is just a muscle, broadcast that it still works just fine. Wear a smile, even if you have to paint it on.
  6. Duct tape.
  7. Pretend that you have amnesia. In your altered state, you only speak French. If you don’t speak French, make up your own language. Do not make up a word for love.
  8. Don’t watch as the trains collide. You can’t stop it, anyway.
  9. Keep a torch handy in case the wolves show up. They will. And they will be rabid.
  10. Don’t throw yourself into somebody else’s wreckage. If you do, look out for shrapnel. Avoid kryptonite, blue eyes, and anyone who kisses with his/her eyes open.
  11. Don’t kiss. Failing that, don’t close your eyes.
  12. When you say I Love You, mumble. When pressed, don’t explain. Instead, dance about architecture.
  13. Never put anything in writing. Failing that, write everything in permanent marker. You can’t erase emotions. Stop trying.
Categories: Humor, Random Musings
  1. Jessica
    January 13, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Number 8 and number 10 are my favorites.

    • Ali
      January 14, 2011 at 9:41 am

      *grin* Thanks, Jess! 🙂

  2. January 14, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Oh dear… What brought this on?

    • Ali
      January 14, 2011 at 9:41 am

      Nothing specfic or personal. Just something that popped into my head.

  3. January 14, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    I do think it is important to keep a smile on one’s face. Don’t #10 and #11 contradict each other with the eyes wide open part? And gah, I am struggling with #13, I want to write all my stories…but you are right, I am better off forgetting. Why make my shame permanent in print? haha.

    • Ali
      January 15, 2011 at 8:33 am

      Yes, they do contradict each other. That was intentional. 🙂 Also, I don’t really believe everything on that list. As a writer, I very much believe in writing it down (and, sometimes, as Dickinson once said — telling it slant). Thanks for reading, Greek!!

  4. January 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Heh. I should have known it was intentional. You know my detail-oriented eye by now, can’t bear to see inconsistency. Those theorems have ruined me, I say! :-p

    • Ali
      January 15, 2011 at 6:24 pm

      Ha! No worries. You keen eye is commendable and appreciated.

      As for theorems — *shudder* that word reminds me of high school geometry.

  5. January 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    The one that says it all: “Get off the train tracks”

    • Ali
      January 15, 2011 at 6:26 pm

      *grin* Thanks for reading, Doug!

  6. Andrea
    January 15, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    “You can’t erase emotions.” So, so, so true! Although wouldn’t it be nice if you could sometimes?

    • Ali
      March 1, 2011 at 9:30 am

      Yes, sometimes going all Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind would be AWESOME.

  7. January 19, 2011 at 2:24 am

    So glad to be reading you again. I couldn’t handle Xanga anymore – became increasingly tired of logging in. So this is nice! “Failing that, write everything in permanent marker.” Just be sure to scribble on the right person. Some people panic about ink poisoning when you write on them.

    • Ali
      January 24, 2011 at 11:29 am

      *grin* I’m so glas to read you again, too, Jenna. And I’m glad that you like this. Personally, I scoff at ink poisoning. I think it’s a myth that our parents made up. *grin*

  1. February 26, 2012 at 2:41 pm

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